Don’t take decisions in haste
Dear Malvika,
I am a 25-year-old woman and my husband has been asking for divorce for the past few months. We have been married for five years now and have a five-month-old baby. But he is in love with another girl. The problem is I do not know whether he would take responsibility of our child after the divorce. He has never taken any responsibility so far. I work, while he just spends his parents’ money. It hurts to see him chat with her and meet her. I am not sure if I should set him free or try to save our relationship? He wants a mutual divorce, but I am not sure if I can do it.
It seems there have been issues between you two even before the baby. Financial responsibility in today’s times falls on both the husband and the wife. That’s what helps solve many problems. I am not sure as to why he has chosen not to work. Sometimes working is just not about the money, it’s also about being occupied and doing something worthwhile. But here is the truth: If your husband is claiming that, especially when you have a 5 month old, that he is in love with someone else and that he wants a divorce, then there are many things to consider. First of all consult a divorce lawyer and know your rights as a wife and as a mother. You should file for alimony for your monthly expenses. You have the upper hand here since he is the one asking for divorce. If you still want to give this a second chance, I suggest going for therapy. But if he is adamant and is shrugging off his responsibility as a new father, do you think you deserve to be in a relationship like this? If at this crucial stage of your life he wants to be with someone else and not you, then, honey, it’s time to bid good bye to this chapter. Take all the help you can get. Manage your finances and see where you will live after this. And how you can manage work and baby. Seek support from family and friends. It will take some time, but you will be fine.
What you want in life does not come easy- heart to heart with M...
Dear Malvika,
I am a 27-year-old unmarried man. I completed my undergraduate in Nepal and travelled to Saudi Arabia as a migrant worker. I have been earning well. I am in relationship with a lady who has government job. The problem is she wants me to stay back and work in Nepal after I return. But my job here is rewarding. Please suggest me what I should do. Should I accept her idea, or should I do what I want to do? I have not been able to express my dilemma to her as I think doing so would ruin our relationship.
I believe in honesty and truth in relationships. That takes you a long way. No two people are alike, and people’s wishes and needs change with times. There are times in a relationship when one needs to make sacrifices to continue to be in the relationship, but it has to come from within. Not because someone said so. Because as times passes by, if it was not our decision, or even if it was, we start regretting, especially if we are not happy. Take your time, see where this goes. Do not take decisions in haste. And try certain things out. You never know you might also like staying back in Nepal.
Dear Malvika,
I am a 24-year-old woman and I am in a very complicated situation. I am dating a guy of a different nationality and religion. We fell in love while we were working together. He returned to this home country two years ago. But our love remains the same. He proposed to me for marriage a year ago, but I was not ready for it. Then I moved to Korea to live with him, and now we are in a live-in relationship. But I have asked him not to force me into marriage. I am just scared of getting married. For the past few months we have been fighting a lot. My parents are worried and are insisting that I date someone else. I love him, but we are fighting a lot and I still am not ready to get married. What should I do?
If you are not ready, then do not get married. Marriage is not a romantic fantasy where one is always happy and things are always hunky-dory. It takes physical and mental efforts to be in one. Especially when family gets involved, the equation between a couple changes. Take some time out. Try to find out why you guys have been fighting a lot. Has the spark died? Is something bothering the two of you? Go for a getaway. Life must be hectic for the two of you there. You need to have your separate lives too, so that you can engage with each other more. The core issue has to be known before you can move ahead. And, please do not get married just because you have to.
Dear Malvika,
I have been in relationship with a girl for three years. I even have a tattoo of her name. But lately, she has been giving me mixed signals, and I don’t know what to do? I can neither erase the tattoo, nor can I remove her from my heart. How do I get her attention back?
If getting a tattoo guaranteed that the relationship stays forever, then oh well, horses would fly in real. If you want her back, you need to woo her, darling. Bring the romance back into her life. Pay more attention to what she likes these days. And give more effort into making her smile. After a certain time, relationships go stagnant and you need to bring the spark back into it. Take her for a holiday and shower her with love and gifts. I know it might sound shallow, but sometimes you have to do certain things to keep a relationship. And if after all that nothing seems to change, then it’s time for a long talk overdue and some decisions to be made.
