A Carpenter's Tale

Rupesh reached the factory running.

Where’s Madan? Does anybody know where Madan is?

Anybody know where he is?

Has he left work or is he still around here somewhere?

Nobody said anything. His questions echoed off each other and melted into the surrounding area. Nobody spoke and it seemed nobody cared, either. He went through all the rooms in the factory. There was nothing to indicate Madan’s presence anywhere. And it seemed nobody had any information about him. Since it was already five o’clock, workers had left the factory. It was possible that Madan had already gone home.

Rupesh is tense. He is carrying some heavy burden in his heart.

More than a hundred workers work in the village’s old Baruwal Timber Factory. Madan is known as a skilled carpenter in that factory. He works hard at his job with great dedication. He prefers to think that it’s better to be a good person than a big boss. He is known for his hard work and for being diligent. There is nobody who dislikes him.

He had come to work there straight from technical school. He takes his work religiously. He is also a bona fide citizen with a simple lifestyle. Even those who consider him an orphan want to define him as their own.

“Why the rush? And why do you want Madan?” A grizzled old man wearing an old faded coat asked Rupesh while taking a long drag from his cigarette.

He turned his face upward and blew smoke rings into the air. The smoke immediately disappeared into thin air. Straining his neck muscles he took another drag from his cigarette.

Rupesh stopped for a moment. He looked deep in emotion. Lines of worry were sketched across his face.

“The news is everywhere that Madan is dying.”

“They’re saying Binda is leaving him.”

Rupesh got the words out in one breath.

“I’ve got nothing to say to such a coward who wants to die when such a worthless girl says she’s leaving him!” The old man looks agitated for no reason. “Why does he want to die for nothing? Can’t he just get a better looker and show her off to that little hussy?” The old man stopped right in front of Rupesh.

“I haven’t come here to look for your sympathy. You always try to lecture on stuff you think you know about. You are like the old men who have ruined their lives for nothing. You’re just someone who’s gotten old without understanding people’s sensitivities and emotions.” He poured his anger out at the old man.

The old man took off his coat and let out a huge sigh, as if massively tired, burdened by the tattered old coat.

Rupesh left the factory with a heavy heart, sad and agitated. He is worried as well. The fear of losing his friend has saddened and depressed him. He is finding it hard to bear his close friend’s pain.

The evening had descended. The dim light coming from the few un-cracked tube lights is not able to chase away the darkness. Rupesh only finds obstacles and impediments everywhere. The night stands like a malevolent expression of malice. He can’t gather together the limitless misery intensified by the night. He is just a living representative character of this age. He cannot go beyond himself. Cannot run away from his own fever and ferment. His friend’s impending death has left Rupesh in a panic.

He goes to Madan’s rented room and stands in front of it. He plucks up some courage. Knocks on the door slowly.

There is no sound from inside. The silence seems to spread out. Nobody is on the street. It’s empty and deserted. The night is getting darker. A dog’s bark is pushing against the night’s silence. But perhaps the night is undeterred. There are so many of those who were forced to embrace death and those who death has shaped up and kept, those who the night has covered in its darkness. Dark shadows expand from one end to the next.

He took a huge breath- “Madan open the door. It’s Rupesh. C’mon open up. I’m hurting also. I know you’re feeling down. I want to feel down with you. Yeah, life’s a bitch. Down one minute, up the next. This wretched and miserable life.” In the dark, nobody notices someone crying. He keeps sobbing. He feels as if the night is densely mocking him. For a moment, Rupesh’s exertions cut through the night’s silence. Then the silence came back. The whole area became deathly quiet again. He no longer felt like answering back the deep silence.

There was no response to his delirious ramblings. No one said anything.

“He’s probably drunk asleep.” His mutterings melted into the darkness.

He turned his feet around and they blended into the night’s silence and freezing cold road.

From afar he heard the click of a door opening.

“Hey, Rupesh. Come back!” A familiar sound filled the area. Madan’s voice was sharp and clear.

He turned back and quietly went inside the door. There are no obstacles inside. No surprises.

“Rupesh, do you want three sugars or less in your tea?” Binda’s voice reverberated across the room. There is nothing unusual inside. He stood still for a moment. He carefully looked at Madan. He didn’t look worried or concerned at all. This doesn’t look like the face of a person at death’s door, he felt.

“Why at night? Why so silent? And why look so stumped?” Madan raised a chain of questions.

He tried to make himself look normal. It’s also an art to take death in such an easy way he thought- “Let it go Madan. Life’s like that. People don’t die, is what I say. They only change. A kid grows up. Is that school kid in him dead? When a grown up becomes old, is the youth dead? These are all inevitable moments in life and death. People don’t die, I just feel they change. There’s a small line lying between a person’s life and death. When the body ends, it then changes into something else.”

“Why are you deliberating on life and death tonight, Rupesh?” His question does not seem out of the ordinary.

“That’s right. Why do you look so emotional and tired tonight, Rupesh?” Binda’s question also sounds normal.

Rupesh couldn’t take what was happening inside in a normal manner.

He took a deep breath and said- “Everyone in town is talking about your death.”

“My death?” Madan expressed astonishment. “Where’s this nonsense coming from?”

The room quickly became heavy and distressed. Nobody said anything.

Binda was looking at Rupesh in wide-eyed disbelief.

“The whole town says you are going to die of AIDS.” Rupesh broke the ice.

“Yes, some health workers came yesterday to test blood. Bindu and I tested ours. But I haven’t done anything that could give me AIDS.” Madan looked worried. Suddenly his voice started trembling.

“They’re even saying that Binda’s left Madan. I just can’t understand it. How did this rumour start? Who’s spreading it?”

“Let’s talk tomorrow after the blood report.” Madan did not want to get perturbed further, but he was agitated inside.

“There is no point waiting for tomorrow. Let’s go Madan, to the health worker. It’s better to find out whatever it is tonight,” Binda said with special emphasis.

They started to walk to the heath worker’s house. They met the heath worker outside a nearby boozer.

“Yup. I’ve got the report with me. It seems you’ve contracted HIV.” There was a slight whiff of alcohol on his breath.

“You have destroyed my trust. You unfaithful bastard.” Binda started raining punches all over Madan’s body.

It was suddenly noisy outside the boozer.

“Doctor, what about my Binda?” Madan managed to ask over the scuffle.

“She’s got no problem. Her blood’s alright.” The doctor said and walked quickly ahead.

Madan released a long breath, one of happiness and relief. He is more worried about Binda’s health than his own. Every word he uttered reflected his love for Binda.

“Ok. I’m going. You can go ahead and die. It’s alright, you’ve been punished for cheating on me.” Binda ran off and disappeared into the night crying. Any love she had for him was gone.

Rupesh stared at Madan in the darkness. He was standing upright like a dark shadow. Rupesh took Madan’s hand and led him off to his room.

Madan was silent.

“You can go, Rupesh. Let me stay alone tonight. I’ve got no reason to live with Binda leaving me. I’ve got no regrets now. I’ve started to feel the thin line between living and dying.”

Rupesh didn’t leave him alone that night. He alternately cried and fell silent. Madan remained at peace. His face was expressionless. The night has become disfigured. Eyes, sleepless. Towards the end of the second half of the night they fell asleep.

The morning came, like a normal morning. They embraced each other and prepared themselves to face the hate and blame in store for them that day.

At around eight the priest arrived.

“Madan have faith in God! Everything will be alright. Whatever he does, he does for the best. I shall pray at the temple.” The priest relentlessly went on. In no time his neighbours arrived and everyone expressed their sympathy towards him.

“Everyone is going to die, so why worry?” They began to say.

They didn’t drink the tea that Madan made. The priest probably told them it would be a bad omen for them to drink the tea, thought Madan.

As the crowd grew larger, Madan asked everyone to leave and told them not to be sad over his impending death. Everybody left. Wearing sad faces they showed their sympathy for him. He didn’t even bother to know what they were thinking in their hearts.

Silence again engulfed the room. Rupesh lifted up his cup and began to drink the tea. His eyes were watery.

“Why are you so worried about my death, Rupesh?”

He did not reply to Madan’s question. He kept on sipping his tea.

Madan tried to sound normal. “I’m still fine so far. I should go to work. I’m not a coward who’d allow his death to come easily by starting to worry too much from right now. I’ll fight with death. I’m not one of those who gives up. I shall fight.” Madan tried to sound determined and strong.

Rupesh did not stop him. When Madan reached the factory there were no hints of anything abnormal. He resumed his work. He worked non-stop to keep the customers’ trust intact. He didn’t allow the burden on his mind to affect his work.

The whole neighbourhood was talking about Madan’s disease the whole day.

The factory boss came to him in the afternoon and expressed his sympathy. He prayed to god that he would get somebody as honest and skilled as Madan after his death.

Even the old tea lady came to express her sympathy. He was busy in his work as if he wanted to be indifferent to his death.

“Aren’t you regretful at all with death coming so quickly and untimely?” The old tea vendor’s question stopped him in his tracks.

“I have no regrets. People are born and then they die. What’s so strange about this, huh? In a hundred years from now who ever I see living today will not be alive. Why do people become so inquisitive when they learn that someone is dying a bit early?” The old woman didn’t seem to like his counter question.

“Hey son I’m not worried that I’ll be losing one of my tea customers! I’ve only come to express my grief. Don’t take it otherwise.” She then left. Madan is more grief stricken over Binda leaving him than over those who are grieving at his impending death. People come and go. In this world they have their own aims and agendas. Everyone is in the rat race trying to create their identity here. And many lose who they already are while trying to create their identity. And Madan has become one of them.

That night with Binda not there he feels as if his small room is treating him like a stranger. He had never thought that someone’s absence or presence in his life would make such a difference. He couldn’t go to sleep. He stayed wide awake.

The night ended. In the morning he woke with no enthusiasm. He started preparing to leave for work thinking that keeping himself busy throughout the day would make it easier to face the fear of death. Somebody knocked on the door. He quickly opened the latch. It was Dan Bahadur. There was an envelope in his hands.

“Madan, the boss has sent you your last remaining pay check in this envelope. He’s also said not to come into work from today. He’s told me to tell you that he can’t keep you at work anymore since you have such a terrible disease- right then, I’m off Madan.” Dhan Bahadur left. After walking a couple of steps he stopped and said- “Madan I will definitely be in your funeral procession. If there’s no one to shoulder your body then I will. But I can’t light the pyre friend. Folks are still alive. I can’t set fire to a dead body.”

He swiftly turned around and went on his way.

There is nothing really in his mind. There is no one around. Why has he become a thing of distance for people? Why has he suddenly become such a figure of hate? Questions pile upon questions inside him. He isn’t even trying to find an answer. He shut the door and sat on the bed. He turned around and looked at himself once. He looked at his face in the broken mirror on the pillow. He’s in no mood to shave his beard. He tried to find it in the mirror, how will the flames quickly turn his body to ash when he dies. He lied down on his side and immediately fell asleep. In his sleep he didn’t see anyone in his funeral procession. He didn’t get up the whole day. As evening fell he woke up, but didn’t feel the need to get out of bed. There’s nothing that needs to be done. There’s nobody to look after in his life either. With Binda gone in a way he has become alone. He needs Binda now than before, but he is forced to look after himself. As it got darker, Rupesh came over.

“Why have you come? In this whole wide world you’re the only one who’s worried for me. Maybe you’re just scared of losing your best friend. You’re more overly anxious than me. You’re just feeling my pain because you’re scared of being alone. This world is selfish. And you are also part of that selfish crowd.” Madan poured out what was bottled-up inside him.

Rupesh said nothing. In the dim light drops of tears were clearly shining in his eyes. Nothing was said and not a single question stood out in their orbit. It seemed as if the peace inside the room was filled with dread.

Piercing the insidious silence, Rupesh opened his mouth- “I went to see the Lama at Boudha today. He’s told me to bring you over. He said he can find a way by praying. Get ready to leave tomorrow morning. Please don’t say no! Do it for me or call it what you like, if you get better my joy will be boundless. People are used to moving forward in life by creating artificial happiness by joining small scraps of happiness. Everyone is living in the moment and is incomplete. But even then people have to live, what else can they do? They have to live at any cost. They want to lengthen their lives. Enough, let’s also try to make an effort. Binda’s decision to leave you, she made a mistake. She shouldn’t have made such an inhuman decision at a time like this.”

Madan cannot stop feeling sad. His voice is a bit uneasy, ‘Probably she thinks that I got the disease by sleeping with prostitutes. A woman doesn’t consider it pardonable when her man keeps illegitimate relationships with another woman. But the irony is I haven’t done anything like that.’ Rupesh didn’t attach any importance to whether Madan took Binda’s exit easily

They spent that night together. They looked back at their struggles and fruitless journeys. Life is so hard and unexpected.

In the morning they headed to Boudha. After waiting for a long time the lama appeared at the Gumba. The lama felt Madan’s wrist. He said nothing. He started to pray. For an hour the lama continued praying. The room was filled with the scent wafting from the incense sticks.

After reading out the mantras the lama stopped for awhile and became lost in meditation. After ten minutes he opened his eyes and slowly moved his lips- “The lord will help you by easing your death. Now go!”

He quickly got up and moved forward without stopping.

Rupesh ran after the lama and stopped him on the road- “Isn’t there anything at all helpful to save him?” The lama said nothing. Pushing him aside the lama went on.

They left feeling sad and dejected.

The sun was high in the sky. The landlord was waiting for Madan outside.

“Madan, people say so many things about you. You have to leave my place today. In fact there’s no need to give the remaining month’s rent.” The old man left without waiting for Madan’s reply.

“Grandad, you should give him a few days,” Rupesh begged him. The old man was adamant- “Please leave today!”

“Please give him at least two days, granpa!” Rupesh asked him again. The old man showed no interest.

That evening when Rupesh came back Madan’s room was empty. The landlord had already cleaned the room with dettol. The landlord didn’t know where Madan had gone. Rupesh left sadly.

Even a week after that Rupesh couldn’t find out anything about Madan. Perhaps He had left that village forever. Maybe he had found an excuse to leave the rejection and noisy reaction far behind. He wanted to live far away from the people who reminded him of his death. Rupesh didn’t even try to find him. May he be able to live out his remaining days peacefully in a new place, thought Rupesh, which made him feel better.

The days went by. The snows came and went and the rains returned. Madan had definitely left the village physically. It seemed as if his presence was felt in the paths and along the roads. People were not able to forget about Madan. Time and again the woman who ran the liquor shop outside the factory would bring up his subject.

It was a Monday morning. Rupesh looked in a bit of a hurry. Perhaps he was going to work. He met the health worker on the road.

“Rupesh, Madan didn’t have HIV by the way. There was a mix up in the names- so much tension for nothing. I had thought of apologising to Madan myself. But it’s good that I ran into you. Why don’t you tell him the good news yourself, ok.”

Rupesh stopped in his tracks. He felt a certain kind of sensation pass through him. He couldn’t tell whether it was waves of happiness or sadness.

‘How am I supposed to tell him now? He’s lost everything. He is finished. Where can I go and meet him?” Rupesh poured out his frustration and anguish. His cries suddenly brought the surrounding area to a halt. People on the road started staring at him. He was teary eyed. Perhaps they were tears of happiness. He was hurried to tell the story of Madan’s innocence to those who had spread hatred against him.

The health worker looked somewhat nervous. His face was red. He couldn’t speak and he hurried forward.

Once Rupesh got to the Baruwal factory, he started clamouring and shouting. All the workers gathered around him. The manager also ran to him.

“What’s wrong, Rupesh? Why are you making a racket and not working?”

“Madan didn’t have HIV. He was given a bad name.They will face a reckoning, those who treated such a good person so badly.” Rupesh was in an emotional state.

“Call him to work immediately. He was a good worker. I need him at work right now.” The manager ordered in his officious tone.

Rupesh quietly cut through the crowd and went outside.

“Tell Madan to come back to work from tomorrow!” The manager again raised his voice.

“You all are butchers; without compassion or mercy!”

For a moment, the manager was startled hearing Rupesh’s words of condemnation.

Rupesh left the place. The road was empty. It will be hard for him to meet Madan in the crowd of those who live but don’t know what life is and those who are humans but don’t know what humanity is. He will continue on the journey. Rupesh and his search for Madan. Looking for Madan in the midst of those who have each other and those who do not. His goal and mission is in front of him; to find his lost friend.

(Translated by Akhilesh Tripathi)